PowderPuffDumplingClimbingCompany.com

Welcome to the Powder Puff Dumpling Climbing Company

I am passionate as fuck about this people. And I know there are like minded self absorbed muther fuckers out there just like me. So listen the fuck up. I am here to tell you what I know about climbing because I an arrogant asshole who thinks that people give a shit about what I have to say. So here are my climbing tips:

TIP #1: FUCK FEAR

Fear.....it's legit. People die rock climbing every fucking year so

TOPROPE EVERYTHING

 only lead if absolutely necessary

ask people that are stronger than you to put up topropes.

Remember:

THERE ARE SHITLOADS OF SHAME IN LOOKING SCARED

but you can look pretty damn smooooothe on toprope 

TIP #2:  FROM THE BAR TO THE CRAG

This is by far the most important rule of all:  

BRING YOUR ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE OF CHOICE TO THE CRAG

You don't want to be caught with those nasty D.T.'s in front of all your friends do ya? Hell no! There is only one solution to this problem.

ALWAY DRINK AND CLIMB

 

TIP #3: IF YOU FAIL......MAKE EXCUSES

If you totally suck make excuses.........even lie

 Example:

" I was fucking all night long and have no core because of it"

or  

"Ever since I got this penis cancer i've really struggled with this route"

There is no shame in lying but

THERE IS SHAME IN SUCKING

TIP#4: SPRAY 

Just do it.

TIP #5:  LIFT WEIGHTS

Just kidding. Don't fucking lift weights. It's fucking stupid. People from the Jersey Shore lift weights.

If you want to be a better rock climber

GO FUCKING ROCK CLIMBING

 The best climbers I know (that's right.....ME fuckin' ME ME ME) aren't in the fucking gym

They are outside wrock klimbing

TIP #6:  CREATE AN 8A SCORECARD

If you an arrogant self absorbed semi decent asshole climber like myself, you have to.

FEED THE EGO CONSTANTLY

There is no better way to do this than to have an 8a scorecard.

Once again

YOU CAN LIE!

It doesn't matter how hard the routes are you climb cuz you can just make that shit up! It's fucking great! And the greatest thing about it it is.....

PEOPLE ACTUALLY BELIEVE YOU!

baaahhhhhHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

TIP #7:  FUCKING EAT 

There is nothing more annoying than climbing with some bitch (or man bitch) that is constantly talking about their food regimen.  

SHUT YOUR DICK HOLE AND EAT ALREADY

You ever seen a "fat" person climb harder than you? Yes you have mother fucker. So pick up that goddamn ding dong and eat it. EAT IT!

Any more questions fuckers? Just follow my every move, check my blog, my scorecard, be my mother fuckin' 2000th friend on Facebook. That's right. Cuz I have all the answers.

I'm in the TAO.

I RULE!